I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
