Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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