Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
