We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
