Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
