my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
