why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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