woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
