Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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