i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
