so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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