i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
