We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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