Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I supernannyed him into submission
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
