just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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