I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
