I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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