More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
