I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
