You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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