Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
