i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize