kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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