I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize