Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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