I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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