im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
