sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
