I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
