Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
