I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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