He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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