I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
