I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
