break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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