You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have aggressive nipples.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
