Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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