Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
