so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
