The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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