I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
