For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want nice things and good sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
