By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
