I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Every concussion has its silver lining
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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