im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
