why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
