My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
