You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
