Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
