Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
