At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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