I wish I could teleport
Please, let me fuck your mom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
