Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
