He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
