...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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