Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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