Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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