I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it glows. i had to have it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
