I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
